Dear Luke,
Now I know you're teething and your gums must be itchy as hell. It's tough and I'm trying to say I understand, but may be we should set a few ground rules here. Just so we don't wind up locking you in a room filled with plastic chew toys and letting you turn feral.
1. It is not ok to bite the Emperor or myself. Or Princess Leia. Or the nanny and other household staff members. Or the neighbor's puppy (who had the misfortune of coming close enough to be within biting distance). It is also not ok to bite people who are not related to us or whom we don't know. Because we don't know where they came from and they are probably walking petri-dishes of bacteria.
2. Please stop eating the remote controls to various household appliances. Despite the fact that you have 2 very tiny teeth and only eat milk and organic veggies -- your saliva seems to have developed Komodo dragon like properties and have, thus far, corroded the remote to the air conditioner, the cable box and the dvd player. These things have remote controls for a reason --- because I am too damn lazy to get up and turn them on manually.
3. Please feel free to chew on the various teething toys we've spent a small fortune on (including the one the Emperor bought for you at the hardware store which turned out to be something for dogs but apparently works just as well with small children ---- I joke, I joke! that one's with the neighbor's dog already. A form of apology for the tuft of hair that is now missing from his side when you tried to disembowel him with your razor like teeth buds). Why won't you chew on these things? We went crazy trying to look for ones that were BPA free, lead free, and weren't made in China (and you can't imagine how hard that is considering practically everything comes from China these days!). And yet --- they remained ignored.
4. Stop chewing the rails of "the Pit"(aka your play pen). They are beginning to stink and they are not washable.
5. Stop licking the wall. Now I know we have a bit of a mold situation going on there with the roof leaking and everything --- but seriously, you have got to find another way to get high. Plus I think your saliva is contributing to the damp.
30 more teeth to go. Surely we can get through this relatively unscathed, healthy, ER and teeth marks free.
Love, Darth
